Still alive - an update on things, I guess
Friends and foes, I'm still alive. I've been silent for an entire month now - I want to give an interesting excuse like I was in space or travelling the floor of the ocean in a tiny submarine, but the truth is I have been.... busy and tired. How could I be so busy for an entire month? I don't even know, I literally used to spend all my time asleep or pretending to be asleep, but I've been leaving the house and doing things. WHAT THE HECK. The most rest I've had since getting back from Brisbane was spending 5 days in bed with tonsillitis, and that was not fun at all. Warning: this is a long rambly post so I'm REAL SORRY if it's boring
The most major thing that has happened in the last few weeks is that I started my new job. It's like a waking dream. I'm only three weeks in and I find myself looking forward to work just because I'm working in such an interesting space where a lot of things are happening. I want to slurp up all the information coming my way with a straw. I've also fallen into the lap of the most welcoming co-workers ever. It doesn't feel real at all. Vague posting soz~ FOR THOSE OF U THAT DON'T KNOW I work as an executive assistant as my Real Life Adult Job. I've just moved into an environment space (previously I was in an economic space) and the difference in my enjoyment levels at work has increased ten-fold. Environment? Heck yeah! Economics? Not really my jam. I really like my job right now and I am incredibly thankful that I do.
For so long work has been this thing that I have just done purely for survival reasons because you've gotta pay your rent, right? And of course there have been aspects of every job that I've enjoyed, but I don't think I've ever really enjoyed going to work. I've felt a sense of accomplishment for the things I've been able to achieve and a gratefulness for the opportunities that I have been afforded, but those feelings are different to this. It's weird. I've never felt like I fit, and it's only early days, but it's been nice so far and this is probably the closest I've been to a feeling of ~fitting~.
I also had a psych appointment which was basically just a catch-up and me rambling about all the things that happened over Christmas and being like OOPS I've accidentally not done any of the things I said I was going to do HA HA HA. Really though, I've had such a positive experience with my psych and every time I go to see her, I realise that I've already done so much work outside of my sessions to manage my mental illness. It's bizarre that I need someone outside of my personal life bubble to validate me, but I'm happy that there is someone who can do that for me.
I had a second visit to Headspace where I participated in a three hour interview for a study - I'll see the research team again in 6 months for another check-up interview. It was a really interesting experience and not at all what I was expecting. The study is about determining risk factors for people accessing services at Headspace. I thought it would be really in-depth about my personal experiences, but it actually turned out to be very vague and general. It was more about how I felt during ~~risk periods~~ and not really what was happening. I found that a little bit strange because I feel like my experiences were directly related to me being sad and suicidal and if I'd had someone during that time to speak to about what was happening to me, these things would definitely be related to determining how much of a risk I was to myself and others? But they seemed secondary in this study. I don't know, I'm not an expert.
Two of the last weeks I've spent wearing this weird watch contraption to bed for a sleep study for Headspace- like a Fitbit but uglier and it doesn't give me any information so that's a bit boring. I've had to keep a sleep journal too. All I've learnt is that I don't know how to get out of bed before 7:45 and I'm always running late. I /ALREADY/ knew those things but now I have a written record of it that someone else is going to look at and judge and I am not proud.
I'm on my fourth book of the year. I'm two books behind my reading challenge, but that's fine. I only really read on the train to and from work - I want to change that habit but I don't have enough time in the day! In my defence of only having finished three books, one of them was nearly 800 pages long so am I REALLY behind? Probably still yes. I'm on my second Murakami book of the year and I can't believe it's taken me so long to read his novels. Why did I put it off for so long? His writing is really enjoyable to read - if you like books please consider reading his. I might make a round-up post of my Jan-Feb books at the end of the month.
June & I have been on two road trips with our wonderful friends Matt & Claire. The first one we went to a waterfall that turned out to not really be a waterfall. It turns out that it needs to rain for water to fall from a waterfall. We hiked 4km in 38 degree heat to Disappointment Rock and then we had to hike back and we were totally unprepared and barely had any water and it was a disaster. We made up for it with A LOT of cold water, orange juice, ice blocks, and hot chips on the way home. We also went to the beach at Anglesea and saw some tiny crabs and stood in the freezing cold water. It ended up being a really lovely day with my loves and I was so tired by the end but my heart was warm.
The second trip was with just Claire. She takes wonderful photos - peep her here. She took some really incredible photos of June and I at the pink cliffs in Heathcote. I'll be posting my favourites on my art instagram. Weirdly, I've never had someone else take artistic nudes of me, but I felt so comfortable and at ease. It was so much more comfortable being naked tbh - it was such a hot day which seems to be becoming a theme every time we spend time together. We want to go to a waterfall next time. A REAL ONE WITH WATER. Not one of those fake disappointment ones.
Both of June's parents visited at separate times so we went to dinner a few times and ate a lot of take-away. We had dumplings both times! We get dumplings every time we go to dinner with other people. I just love dumplings. If you're in Melbourne, please visit Shandong Mama and have their pan-fried vegan dumplings because they are The Best Dumplings in Melbourne & I really mean that.
This blog post is never going to end holy cow. The other things I've been doing:
- redyed my fringe & had a haircut
- hung out with some other pals and they made us a delicious vegan bbq
- rearranged our office and redecorated - it's still a work in progress but it's getting very cute and fun
- started and finished Naruto: Rise of a Ninja, started & played half of Naruto: The Broken Bond
- FINALLY BOUGHT YOOKA-LAYLEE and spent like 10hrs playing it since last weekend
There is no end in sight to how busy I am. I'm not complaining. I'm absolutely loving seeing my pals and going places and doing things. I just wish that there was more time in the day or more days in the week. I need an extra day a week just for catching up on sleep. I have a psych appointment tomorrow, a dentist appointment on Friday, and on the weekend I'm going to a period picnic & a zine fair. In between all of this, I need to find a kmart with this pink marshmallow ottoman in stock because it reminds me of the animal crossing marshmallow chair and I desperately need it inside of my house.
I might make a zine before Sunday if I'm not too sleepy, I promised my Dad I'd help him with a patch design for his motorcycle club, and I've joined a group art show for a few months from now. I'm waiting for materials in the mail, but I'm super duper excited. I've barely made any art in years so this is going to be a challenge, and I'll be working with a new medium.
I'm really sleepy now. It's time to eat sorbet, drink a lot of water, and hug June. Goodnight my pals! Drink a glass of water, indulge in some summer berries sorbet and take off your make-up before you go to sleep. Love Sam xx